jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
