I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
