thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
