I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I party with great urgency now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
