i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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