She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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