An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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