1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
