His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
