i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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