I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
