Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
