OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
