i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
