Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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