I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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