a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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