your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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