My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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