The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
