So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
