In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
