It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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