Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
