my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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