i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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