Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
