She is in my trunk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
