im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
