I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
