I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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