Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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