There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
