hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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