is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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