I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
