I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
