I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
