you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
