That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
