We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
