Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
