Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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