Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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