its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
