went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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