Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
