Me too!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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