All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
