Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
