Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
