then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
