Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
