Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
