can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
