If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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