I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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