I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
