You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
