I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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