I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
