Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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