I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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