you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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