you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
