If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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