6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
