I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
