Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
