my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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