Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
