i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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